Can you believe it? Four years have already passed since I upheaved my life and started fresh. As an 18-year-old headed to the university, I thought four years was a lifetime. If course it isn’t, and the older I get, the faster it goes.
Like college, life on the road is an education. Now that I’ve earned my full-timing degree, I thought I’d share a few lessons with you.
Get Out From Behind The Screen And Interact With People.
It’s easy to live in a bubble and consume only the information we want to hear, communing solely with people who agree with us. Then we all sit and wonder how we became so divided. I have conservative and liberal friends alike who are guilty of this. A friend in Seattle has a real attitude about “the flyover states“ and routinely brags that he’s never visited any of them, and never intends to. A friend in the Deep South would rather be caught dead than visit “The Left Coast.”
I am routinely asked how, as an atheist and liberal, I enjoy visiting red states as much as I do. The answer is really quite simple. I meet people in whatever circumstance and at whatever level I find them, focus on the things we have in common, and keep contrary opinions to myself.
Embrace Uncertainty.
Let’s face it. Control is an illusion. My life opened up in ways I could never imagine when I finally admitted I can make plans, but I am not in charge. Then, I gave myself permission to not only tolerate organized chaos, but to revel in it.
Will I arrive at the next destination without incident? Who will I meet along the way? What waits for me around the next corner, and will it be positive or negative? What does the future have in store for me regarding my health and longevity?
I don’t know, and isn’t that just fine! I enjoy a good mystery, and I don’t want to skip ahead to the final pages.
Be Afraid, But Do It Anyway.
We all have illogical and unfounded fears. I’m not talking about a sixth sense kind of intuition, which when I have heeded kept me out of more than a few sticky situations. I’m talking about good, old-fashioned, groundless, baseless scaredy-cat stuff.
I was scared shitless the first time I drove the rig, towed the car, boondocked alone at night, and many other times too numerous to mention.
Somewhere along the way we were told to face our fears and overcome them in order to move forward. What a load of nonsense! It is perfectly acceptable to be scared to death when jumping out of an airplane. On a more day-to-day level, it is okay to be scared when speaking to a group for the first time, or learning to ride a motorcycle, or taking dance lessons, or bringing the baby home from the hospital. Feel all the feels, but do it. Just do it.
Face The Bad With The Same Enthusiasm As The Good.
This is a really hard one, and I work on it whenever I can. Some days just couldn’t go any better, and some just couldn’t go any worse. I try to maintain a positive attitude, either way, come what may.
Let’s say Nellie breaks down. I endeavor to focus on the positive macro view – the big, wide shoulder to safely pull off the road, a working cell signal, other motorists who stop to offer help, and the skilled and seasoned tow truck driver. I try not to think of my plans as canceled, but merely postponed. I strive not to dwell on the financial strain of repairs, instead thinking the problem probably won’t need fixing again for a long, long time.
Be Open To New Experiences.
I know someone who travels a lot for business. No matter where he is in the United States, and even when he travels abroad, he eats in chain restaurants.
Yes, there is comfort in routine. Some people value consistency over variety. But for me, one of the greatest joys in life is to do something new and different. My fondest experiences on the road have been when I am the fish out of water: Acadiana during Mardi Gras; Gasparilla in Tampa; exploring the Mississippi Delta Blues Trail.
You don’t have to hop in a motorhome and travel the country to try new things. Attend a festival highlighting another culture. Read a book or see a film outside your norm. Food is also a wonderful gateway for adventure.
No One Said It Was Easy.
On the days we feel we are just barely eking out an existence in the work-a-day world, we can be prone to magical thinking about the future. A vacation will be perfect and wash all our cares away. Every day of retirement will be a walk in the park. Once we save enough money, we will never worry about finances again.
Sorry, Bubba, but life can still be a big old pain in the ass, even in paradise. Some days will be hard. Look forward to them anyway.
Slow Down.
When I was working I boasted about being a multitasker; I wore it like a badge of honor. The problem was, I wasn’t fully present; I didn’t extract all I could from any given experience because like Jay Z, I was “On to the Next One.”
When I first hit the road, I didn’t stay anywhere longer than a few days. Now, I prefer weeks to even months in one location. What’s the rush?
There really is something to this “Stop and Smell the Roses“ idea. When you start to slow down you realize that life is richer, more layered, more colorful, and more in focus. Just for fun, the next time you take the dog out for a walk, leave your cell phone at home.
Rest When You Are Tired.
When I first embarked on this journey, I told myself I would drive six hours or 300 miles, whichever came first. I belly laugh at that notion now. I try to spend no more than three hours behind the wheel each day, and I really try to avoid driving every day if I can. I rarely leave before 10:00 a.m., and I want to be set up with a drink in my hand by 4:00 p.m.
This is a special shout-out to all the ladies out there. You know who you are. The Women Who Do Too Much. The gals who never flex their “no” muscle and don’t slow down (see above). Go lay down, Boo. Notice I didn’t say plan a girls’ weekend, or have a margarita party with the book club. Sleep. Read a book all day. Binge-watch in bed and don’t feel guilty.
Stay Engaged.
When I first started traveling I was soaking up the scenery, sightseeing and making miles with little meaningful human interaction. Over time, I realized I needed to commune with old friends and family to keep from getting too feral, and to feed my soul. I also joined some RVing groups for instant socialization out on the road.
Once you exit work life, it is easy to become insular and have much less interpersonal contact. As exasperating and aggravating as coworkers can be sometimes, they at least expose you to a diversity of culture and ages.
If the only people currently in your life are close family members, mail and package delivery folks, and healthcare providers, try joining a book club, volunteering at an afterschool program, attending church if that’s your thing, or becoming a member of a community fraternal organization. Nothing compares to the feeling of being wanted, needed, and welcomed.
Tomorrow Is Not Promised.
People often tell me how envious they are of my life, and how they might do something like it “Someday.“ Four years later, I can tell you that some of them are dead, some are sick, and some are still just waiting around for no apparent reason other than inertia.
In what other life are you going to do the things you want to do?
Keep Dreaming.
I thought after all this time that my list of things to see and do would be shorter, but it gets longer every day. If you don’t have a list, short or long, of things you still want to do in life, whether that’s cook dinner or take a trip around the world, you might as well go lay down in a hole in the ground right now.
Never Stop Learning.
As a medical malpractice defense trial attorney, I learned something new every day. I was constantly synthesizing novel and exciting information. I wondered if leaving the career would stagnate me mentally, but just the opposite has proven true. I travel to new places, learn their stories and histories, and share it all with you.
I am learning to play the Ukelele and try to play every day.
Even if historically you were not an inherently curious or inquisitive person, learning stimulates the brain and is a wonderful way to pass the time. Learn a new card game. Watch a documentary. Take a language class at the local community center. Do Sudoku or crossword puzzles.
Seek The Good In All People.
As a trial attorney, I viewed the world with a jaundiced eye. I interacted daily with duplicitous, conniving, ingratiating, frustrating people. It was my job to be suspicious of everyone, or I would not have been a good advocate for my clients. Frankly, it was exhausting.
People who meet me now describe me as a cockeyed optimist, and no one is more surprised by this than me. While I am by no means a Pollyanna pushover, I strive to keep an open mind, assuming good and honest intentions unless and until people give me a reason to think otherwise. What a monkey off my back, to default to positivity.
What You Put Out In The World You Get Back, Ten-Fold.
This is a corollary to seeking the good in people.
I learned one of my favorite Henry Ford quotes at his winter home in Fort Myers, Florida:
It’s amazing how this works. If you paint yourself a victim, you will attract victimizers. If you expect bad things, they will come. If you perform a small act of kindness, that positive energy you put out into the universe will boomerang back to you in wonderful, unexpected, exponential ways.
I sometimes wish people were more kind and polite, so I strive to be so. I am saddened by all the negativity in the world, especially online, so I do not spew vitriol. I unfollowed any groups on Facebook that deride, embarrass, mock, or degrade people, and it’s wonderful how much happier that has made me.
Forgive Yourself.
Did I tell you about the time I got the rig stuck in mud? There’s a really good one about pulling out of a site while still plugged in. Oh, and then there was the time that I wore the contents of my black water tank.
If you constantly tell yourself you did something stupid; if you apologize all the time for things that are entirely out of your control; if you harbor this sinking feeling that others might not like you if they really knew the “real you,” try loving and nurturing yourself the way you would a close friend or family member. You deserve it.
Happy travels, my friends, and here’s to another four years!
This Post Has 28 Comments
Thanks for, one again, making my day!
Can’t wait to see you in person SOON!
Much love to you my friend.
As usual I love your writing style, vocabulary, and thought provoking! So glad I got to know such a wonderful person first on line then in person! You make me “better”!
Happy four years, thanks for all the wonderful post’s and images. Travel safe.
Great post Tammy, thanks. Keep on trucking and bringing a lot of us along with you.
Safe travels always.
Your blog is the 3rd reference i have read today to slowing down…..not needing to see it all or do it all in a day or week. Enjoy the journey as the popular saying goes. Think I need to meditate on that a bit! Safe and Happy travels to you!
Three times in one day is quite the deliberate message, Gloria!
Happy Anniversary !! You were missed at Roslyn this weekend🌸
You nailed all the really important things in life. Thanks for the reminder. I do enjoy your writing; you have a gift!
Thanks for your comment, Elaine!
Thanks for being in my life.
Happy Four Year Anniversary! Excellent post. If we ever sell the house and get on the road “Fear Not” is the wording for the decal I want for the back. We would all be better off focusing first on our similarities. I have never, that I can remember, met anyone who could not teach me something. My idea of how to travel is in an RV, staying in agreeable temperatures, seeing every possible thing in a 20 mile radis, driving about 40 miles and checking out everything in another 20 mile radius – for as long as that may take. Thanks for you insight. Love your perspective. Wishing you safe adventures and many more anniversaries.
Elizabeth, my habit is to explore within a two hours’ drive radius around the motorhome, then move the rig.
I’m a long-time lurker, but just had to say how much your words inspire me! Congrats on continuing to grow and learn and challenge yourself, and for taking us along for the ride, it’s much appreciated!
Claudia, thanks for stepping out of the Internet shadows to say hello!
Great post. I too have been a solo full timer for 4 years. When I saw you with the ukulele I had to chuckle because I was just looking at some ukuleles the other day, thinking I should get one and try and learn how to play. Henry Ford became my hero when I visited the Richmond Hill History museum in Richmond Hill Georgia. I was visiting some friends at the Savannah South KOA which is in Richmond Hill, where Henry Ford made his winter home. My friends and I just happened upon the little museum and the volunteer working there was a wealth of information on Henry Ford.
Happy travels!
Kathy, if you decide to give the ukulele a shot, I highly recommend the book “The Daily Ukulele.” A uke is such a great instrument for a motorhome – compact, strum it around the campfire, etc.
Excellent post! I just love your blog and your uplifting attitude towards crohn’s and life in general.
Thank you for saying so, Renee!
Just what I needed today. I’m on the road ‘stuck’ waiting for a part to come to fix my rig. My ‘plans’ are changed and I’m making the best of it. Thanks for the reminder
I just got back home and plugged the rig in before reading your post. As a liberal atheist myself, we share many similar viewpoints. “Seek the good in all people,” helps me keep an open mind when others around me are putting on their tribal war paint and pounding their drums. Thanks for your post. I really enjoy your writing. We hope to run into you on the road someday. Safe travels!
I hope so!
Oh Tammy! You have such a gift! I admire your spirit and the life lessons you share. Keep sharing and caring sweets and we will see you soon! Clinton and Bella say hello.
Thank you for sharing your life and insights. For me, they resonate deeply and I am grateful to you for these expressions in words.
I Love Your Blog…. Happy Travels.
Thanks, Andrea!
So true — all of it. But the being afraid of new things? That really speaks to me. I’ve been full-timing 3 years. When asked, I’ve always said that RVing is something I’ve always wanted to do. But the real reason? I was getting to be afraid to do anything new. Nothing like totally chucking your security blankies and going whole-hog into something new!
Vicky, good for you for recognizing you were in a comfort zone rut and taking that leap!
You always make me stop and think!!! I love you my friend and am so happy you are happy!!!
PS: thanks for finding that lost shaker of salt!!! Lol